Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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