Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
did i walk over a car last night?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
