what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize
