Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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