This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Success! We fucked roommates!
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
