Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I wear drunk well.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
