So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Is it penis luge time yet?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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