I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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