is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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