thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
