I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
