my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
