Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
