i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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