she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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