what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
