oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
