You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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