It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
My ass is underappreciated
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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