I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
