I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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