O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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