My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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