So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
