she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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