he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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