There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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