You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
