WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
