apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
