Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
