i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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