Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
