I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
