can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
