Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
We got so high we made milksteak
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
