just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
