I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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