Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
