He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i just made my gag reflex go away.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
