It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
