You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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