i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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