I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
