He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
