I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Randomize
