There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
