Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
