I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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