You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
