evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
