No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
