Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
