I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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