did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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