Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
