yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
