I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
