So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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