you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
kristin has been a bad kristin
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
